Remember me this way~

  Good Morning World!! Kinda miss blogging.. i know my blog do misses me too..Aww! Well,what am  i going to share is kinda bit my personal matter that evolves about my love life recently..And to all my viewers out there might be shocked upon what i'm going to tell.. I know it may sound awkward but it's damn true. It happened again.
Me and my boyfriend officially broke up recently. It's kinda heartbreaking to me as we both are so madly in love with each other. As people used to say it,maybe it's not our luck to be together.From the moment we broke up til' now i still can't accept the fact we're no longer together. There are certain things that we can't really share it to the public as it's kinda personal. Let it be our SECRET. I still kept on thinking the moments when we're together and the way he used to care about me. I missed all of that and i missed him so damn much. Even though we're no longer together but we're still remain as friends,close friends.. Gosh,i don't know why i'm starting to burst into tears again. Whenever i'm alone,i used to listen to our songs and reminisced the past. Totally hurts but what can i do??
  I hope he remembers me even if i'm not his girlfriend anymore. I hope he remembers me as I'm the one who caught his attention and captured his heart. I hope he remembers me as the girl who understands,loves him and cares for him and I hope he remember me this way. Knowing him is the best thing ever happened to me. I'll always remember and loves him no matter what.

~ For those of you with DOUBTS ~

 


  Don't doubt the power of Love,never give up on someone who makes you truly happy,regardless of the distance.

  My boyfriend and I have been together for 2months now,and i love him more and more every single day. I met the man that I am lucky enough to call mine on a social networking one day in December the 13th 2011 and i said to myself,"Hey,that kid is cute". But in such a coincidence he suddenly buzz me first. And i was like,"Oh-Owhh". It all started when he asked me whether I'm an Arsenal fan. Funny right? So we started to get to know each other and even share some things that I don't even share with my friends. One day,he suddenly asked me some weird questions which I already know what he's trying to tell me but I was kind of in denial that time. He was in College and I was working. We kept on IM-ing and then suddenly we kinda fall apart. We kinda lost contact for about 3months. Then miracle happened,we finally kept in touch again. Though it was kinda awkward but we managed to get closer and pretty much closer than before.
  In September the 5th,he finally proposed me to be his girlfriend and i said,'YES'.He told me that he loved me for the very first time. He wanted to breakdown and cry,terrified that i would laugh at him and wouldn't want to accept him. I can't described the happiness i felt that day. Now that I knew he was mine, I knew I had to make sure he's mine forever.
  Two months later,here we are today. So in Love and it's not even funny. With dreams of a life together,a family together,forever together. Dreams that one day will be a reality.
  When you find that person who loves you for EVERYTHING you are, and i mean everything. Every last quirk,every bad habit,every fear,every hope,every dream;you realize that even though you're thousands of miles apart,when you close your eyes,it's like they are there,and they have always been there. You realize that even though they aren't there with you,they always have been and they always will be in your heart.
  Please never give up on someone just because the distance becomes overwhelming. If I had given up,I wouldn't be the happiest I've ever been in my life. I wouldn't be engaged to the most wonderful man on this planet. Don't listen to anything negative anyone else says, they only bash because they aren't capable on loving someone on a whole other level, like we do, like we always have and like we always will.
  Arif Farhan, I Love You and I can't wait until the day we finally get to be together, and all the many memories we will get to make together in our happily ever after and our forever and always.

~ I Love You in a thousand miles ~

  I know were thousand miles away..But i want to be with you. I want to discover new things with you. And share it for the rest of our lives. I know it's hard to love in a distance. But as long as we have faith, I know we can do it. And we can live to the fullest.I know distance can lead us apart. But one thing for sure before it happen, I'll always love you in a distance and love you in a thousand miles..

~ Falling to a Stranger ~

  Once upon a time,a total stranger came into my life. I thought he was just like everybody else,who needs someone to talk to and after that he would go.. But as days go by, I've realized that a stranger become part of my life and the love that i needed he showed me. I want him to know that our feeling is mutual.. I want him to know that I've totally fallen for him..to a stranger..
  But as time comes and goes by, I realized that he is not a stranger because he is the one that caught my attention and love..


p/s : to specific someone

~ Happy 2nd Monthsary My Dear Love~

  Since you came into my life,i have never been the same. It was you who was missing in my life. The one i was looking for..And i'm so thankful to have you..though we may be having hard times and misunderstandings,nobody can erase the fact that I Love You and Always will.. I don't need nothing else to make me happy.. All in need is YOU. My world revolves around YOU.. The meaning of me is YOU.. Everything in me is YOU.. You don't know how much you make happy everytime i see your smile..
  When i'm hopeless and down,I just think about your LOVE.. and everything make sense again.. Your love is the most precious thing that i hold.. My LOVE for you will never fade. And if ever i would die and live again, i would live the same life that i had..it's because you were there..

  If i had one wish my wish would be with you.. and if they ask        why?.. I'll tell them "Cause your my dream come true...
It's because all i wanted and all i needed is YOU.. and if i ever lose you my heart will never be alive again..cause you're the air that i breathe the sun in my world.. and the stars in my sky.. You give me the strength to go on and held on to my life..You are just the Love of my Life.. I LOVE YOU,ARIF FARHAN~

~The LOVE of my LIFE!~

 Here we are again in another month,another page and another story.. Been quite busy lately,couldn't even have the chance to re-blog.. And now i'm taking this chance to tell share you my story which it just happened recently..

 Never knew i would open my heart to a new guy whom i never expected to be with. He was just a friend to me eventhough i knew that he admired me that much since the day we first known each other. DENIAL! that's what my heart wants to say. There was this time when he tried to ask me some sort of questions which i already knew his aims for my answer. And which i kept on ignoring him and treated him not more than just a friend. Instead of giving him the right answer,i just asked him to give me some time to think about it.

 At first i thought i would keeping on deny my feelings towards him but i can't.. i kinda missed how he cared for me,the way he kept n trying to win my heart and finally i have the courage to give him the answer but that time we kinda lost contact for a while.. When i was trying to give him that answer,i was devastated upon knowing him hooking up with another lady which i already know from the very start. Therefore i cancelled my plans to meet him. That's when i gave my heart a break for a while and flew to Aussie to ease my mind..
  People says that there will be a second chance if God's willing to give that chance again. Once again , we kept in touch but we're not as closed just like we were before. Then suddenly i have the strength to greet him first. That's where it all started when we kept on replying comment and all that. We kinda get closer once again and he even tried to approached me and popped out that question.. And YES! that was my answer. And he was so glad that we're finally official as a couple.
 Maybe i was so blind to see how sincere he is at the very beginning. But now i know that he really loves me that much. And so do i.. I love him so dearly and don't wanna let him go away.. He is the LOVE of my LIFE. The one i will spend my life with. I am hoping he feels the same way too..

my ONE & ONLY..

                                  

     ~ARIF FARHAN~




Devoted to u..
   Nessy!

Word of the day!

It's almost midnight which i can't really get myself to sleep. i just can't explain how i am feeling right now except MAD. And the word for today is SUCK! There are times when you feel your life is totally Suck.
I don't really understand why am i so angry right now..the feeling of disappointed for someone leads me to anger. I am totally llost right now which i can't even wanna talk about shits that kept on running through my head. Don't even think too hard when your in sour condition.
Aaarrgghhhh!!! Oh help me Lord.. I just can't help myself right now.. i don't wanna waste my tears on something that is not worth to be with or maybe someone who doesn't really give a damn about how we feel.. Giving yourself in and out into something is way overratted. I am not going to be a fool like i used to be before.
Forgive me for my rudeness but i just wanna let it all out.

Nessy!

I'm coming home~i'm coming home~

Eyo people! It's been more than 2months since my last update.. Today at 5.20am is going to be my last day here in the 'Land Down Under'. Finally,I'm coming home to my hometown. Hell yeah! Gonna spend the rest of my day hang out enjoying the view in this city. It's gonna be a touching moment for me as i have to say goodbye to the little ones who adored me so much (i mean my nieces and nephews from my cousins). I'm surely gonna miss them too. No worries, 'coz Tita Nessy is going back here again. :)

Eversince i came here,i've been here and there. Meeting different kinds of people who came from different backgrounds. I had such a wonderful time upon meeting them and get to know each and everyone of them. Life is full with great memories as we build up a friendship with others. Smile and enjoy life while we still have the chance to do so and as if like there's no tomorrow. No matter how big is the problem just laugh as u can 'coz you'll never know what life brings you in the future. We might planned everything what's best for us but God decides it. Whether we can accept it or not it depends to ourselves.

Okay!Back to my topic..well,i just have a few things to pack as my mom has so many stuffs to bring back. Gosh Mommy,it's not like you're going back for good. LOL! My mom is busy packing her stuffs and i'm sure we are going to be over baggage!!  Btw,here's a sneak pic of me and the rest.. ;)

Tata Brissie! Lot's of love from Nessy!

~Land Down Under!~

Good Evening! This is my first entry for the month of June as i am way too busy these days. I am now in the 'Land Down Under',Australia! Yes! I'm here for a vacation. Considering i am here right now,my mom and aunt is trying to convinced me to moved and work here as well.. Hmm..i am still thinking about it yet.

 Okay,let's forget about it and stay focus on my story.. :D Well,i'm here for more than 2 weeks now and will stay here for 3 months (Quite a long Vacay,aite) hehe.. For 2 weeks time i manage to take a look around the places which i haven't been yet before. But the most interesting part is FOOD! Which i LOVE the most..haha..been trying so many kinds of food and i really enjoyed it. Thanks to my little sister as she's the one who brought me here and there along with her College mates and some of her friends from the church group. We kinda hang out watching movies,going to the beaches,dining some foods and we even spent our time visiting historical places.
  Owh my..it's like i've been here for ages. Hmm..i got nothing else to say..Just wait for my next post which is all about Foods.. :D
Till then, Goodnight and TATA! :)

~ the FEAR of FEELING~

she can.
she can't.
not here.
nor there.
voice uncommitted.
mind is blocked.
doesn't know what to expect.
pretty anxious.
but there's faith.
spinning aimless.
then she's found.
breathing.
excited.
nervous.
drained and filled again.
she hides you inside.
pumps her blood alive.
prepared.
but scared.
laughing.
battling.
plunging.
in love.
in search.
for something

to stop her

from

fearing

FEELING...

p/s : I am telling the truth,it's not only a words..hmm..I can lie,I can deny about anything but i never lie and deny about my feelings.. If i do,i don't meant it..I only need time in telling everything.. 

:)

KAY-HELL!

  Good Morning! I supposed to be post this lastnight but i was kinda tired and went to bed a bit early.. As you can see my title today,YES! i'm in KAY-HELL(KL) right now. Not on a Vacay but just for a business trip.
  So,here i am in a 'City that never Sleeps'. It feels good to be back here again and feel the warm breeze of KAY-HELL.. I just arrived here yesterday morning and headed straight to the hotel where i am checking-in right now. I'll be here just for a few days then will be back to KK for the 'Kaamatan' celebration.. :)
  Just woke up and having my breakfast here in my hotel room. Then will be getting ready to do my work.. Here's a sneak of peek..

OMG! Look how messy i am.. :p

~ Eyes Wide Open ~

My computer clock says Tues 2:35 AM. It's not as though I've been able to think straight this past week, due to my inability to cope well with lack of sleep. My eyes are drooping, and falling flat on my face from some mild form of fatigue would be the most logical thing to do. But, at this point, too much of my mental energy is also going into trying hard to adjust to a newfound state of busy-ness that is not anymore limited to 'productive summer breaks' (I used to spend my so-called Va-Cay, working). So many of my dreams are coming true (working with certain orgs and on certain projects) and I can't wait to take on each and every one of them.
 I thank God for work opportunities and the patience to take on each task and job I get. I crave being busy, having meetings to go to, paperworks to get done, places to visit and attending events. I love and want to do this kind of thing.
 Can I just say something, though... I have to get used to not being able to find the many quiet times I used to so enjoy, the free time I could use to do things like finish reading not one HALF of a book, but SEVERAL books.Of course, I go on my blog and find that I can be somewhat alone there for a moment, so here I am, venting to you at almost 3 in the morning. =p I'm not sure whether to flinch or savour it as the thought of the real world (or REEL world?) pierces my skin. All I know is you're "only as good as your last job" so you keep working hard for every day. I still can't sleep. I've been venting for an hour now, typing, deleting, typing deleting, typing. I realize that, maybe, I am just looking forward to the things I know I will be accomplishing this year (think positive!). With an average of 5 hours nightly, voluntarily or involuntarily, how do some people still make the most of each 'marathon' day? How do you start a new day when you haven't even ended the previous one yet? Gotta learn, gotta learn...
 Tick tock. I have to be up by 7 AM. Cheers!

spontaneous combustion..

In a brief conversation, a man, speaking to a woman, was out to pursue the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asked, "Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said, "Yes" as she began to expound...


"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.

I pay my own bills.

I take care of my household without the help of any man- or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'"


The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money... I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,


"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Mentally. I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection Financially because I don't need a financial... burden.

I am looking for someone who is Sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but Strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can Respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... He just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man. At this point, I can't help a man if he can't help himself."


When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, and exclaimed,  "You're asking for a whole lot!"

To which she gracefully replied...


"Only if you think I'm not WORTH a lot."

:)

Butterfly..

"When it comes to relationships,
maybe we're all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.
Because you can never really know...

Some people are settling down,
some people are settling,
and some people refuse to settle
for anything less
than Butterflies."


(to Specific Someone.. Now i understand to hold you i must open up my hands and watch you rise...)

:)

~ The REAL DEAL...~

Sure, I'm seeing my father again, for the first time, after 10 long years. (12 years ago)

Sure, it's a big deal.

But this is the time to say: it was my mother who raised me and put herself through hell to keep our lives running, while he wasn't around.

It is my mother who always put effort into avoiding speaking ill about him, to give me a great impression of my father, growing up.

Sure, I've had to tweak and manipulate my mind to adjust to a 'new' concept of family through the years. It's worked out just fine, but it wasn't easy.

Sure, I love my father and my ex-step-father I love him a lot, but it is my mother who is worth more than anything. It is she, and not a man, who will walk me down the aisle for my wedding march.

Sure, I'm the daughter of. Get over it, we are all daughters/sons of someones.

Sure, I have my own life to live, my own name to build, and my own burdens to worry about.

But someone's gotta begin the process of resolving unfinished business.

Life is just too damn short to be so angry all the time.

~Take time to realized~

Know the feeling

of losing something great?

Then realising that,

suddenly, u have

something u wanted all along

without really knowing


HOW u got it

WHY u have it

or even

that u BELONG?

         That's how i felt after got into the world of W.O.R.K.I.N.G.
         I am so grateful and it's so surreal..

There was a time when i attended a seminar and one of our mentor gave us a speech. At one point,he gave out a liner and said, "watch your life diligently. Know yourself,watch your life,find humour and humility through everything. Maybe it's true and make us realized what we have,what we should be thankful for and also how whatever we lost before can open doors for bigger and better blessings later on.
I also learned that God didn't live to teach us how to want more... His life was about the challenge of letting go. They say, let go of something first, go down first, and you'll earn the kind of faith that'll allow you new beginnings and the freedom to grow.

:)

~and then i Realized..~

oye hello people! how's life? sorry been outa reach for a while, i'm still on earth tho & life has taken me places literally..i've been so busy the past few days...been involve with so many activities... thinking that life is so short - started it all - i tend to rush things i tend to do two things at a time i tend to absorb as many responsibilities as I could i tend to start on something else though I'm not yet finished on the other one i tend to keep on moving - as if I'm running out of time to the point that i got so tired to the point that, though i'm not aware, i have neglected some of the very important things in my life.. then i stopped - what's there to rush about? why not enjoy every minute I have - and then i realized - life is not really short i am just starting it is still a long way to go..LIVE LIVE TO THE FULLEST!! Cheers, Vee

~Love yourself~

i hated it. i hated hearing this so much, i forgot what it meant.

thank you, buddies, for being the first one to set me back on track. thank you, family, for confirming that this was something i really needed to take seriously. surprised me to think that somehow, i managed to ignore the real meaning of loving your - SELF. too many people are allowed the power to manipulate this part of us that is the point of life, after all. how does it happen? selfish, egoistic, self-glorifying. words all too commonly designed to hit you where pushing & pulling never stops until it hurts. i've been a bitch for what i do, a bitch for what i don't do, and when i happen to be learning the ropes from in-between, well then i'm just a bitch for not knowing which direction to go, or what the hell i want to do. well, apparently, things could get worse. because life becomes a plain fuckin pain when you start looking at things from 'their' point of view. if this happens to you, you'll find that you're scared to be good at what you love most. you're scared to be good to WHOM you love the most. unless you've got some concept of hope and manage to get sense knocked into your head by some force of nature that pulls you back to what you know, then you'll probably never stop wondering why you're not the same. why crashing feels so familiar to you, why understanding melancholy is too easy to do, why the existence of Love beyond science seems harder to prove. "Love yourself" is not a command to throw away like a song you're done with after playing it in your head for so long... it's not something you change your mind about if people begin to label it as something it isn't made to be. Loving yourself is believing that it is okay to like the great and crazy things others like about you, or that you are someone who has friends who love you, even if you don't know why. noone is perfect, and noone should feel, or be, alone. it's knowing that it is okay to want to be one of the best, if not just better, at that thing you do, JUST BECAUSE. it is happier to dwell on the good things to know what to make of the bad. shoot for the moon. it is okay to jump at opportunities, because it is okay to be grateful and it is okay, if not better, to make use of what you have. there is always, ALWAYS, a reason for everything. if you have a life that makes you want to bounce all the blessings back, it is okay to know in your heart that, one day, you will give everything back. noone should ever have the power to pressure you to do, or be, something that you aren't ready - nor made - to do, or be. one thing i want to say about the entertainment industry is that, people forget that none of us have anything to do with what our faces or bodies look like, pretty or ugly, bought or born with-- this should be reason enough not to base your work, or your life, on your looks. there is a bigger picture in the world for each one of us & we are all specks of dust in the end. what you do with your life now can outlast you later on. it is also okay to smile (maybe even so randomly, you'd seem to be on E) -- it is okay to admit you just honestly like being in this twisted world, no matter how cruel, judgemental, angry, or dangerous it can be. it took me 3 years of gradually losing that strength. a year and a half to slowly gain it back, and 5 months to finally feel it creeping back into me. so you think you love yourself. but still somewhat believe that all the countless times you fucked up serve as an estimate of who you are in all your years of being... if you think you do love yourself, but fail to ignore the things that you know exist to try and screw you over... then please, love yourself a little bit more. Messing up is NOT equivalent to BEING all messed up. you have every right and reason to LOVE, EVEN if you don't know why. Loving that one person, loving anyone, and especially loving yourself, is not anything that LOVE is NOT. and you know what? if you find Love, there's your God. xoxo, Vee..

~ Single Again~

It's been a while and it's kinda hectic for me to update my blog since i am officially SINGLE again.. 2weeks ago,i broke up with my boyfriend whom i thought i could spend my life with. Well,that's the way love goes.. People come and people goes away from our life. It's kinda heart-breaking but life must go on no matter what it is. I've been through this before and i'm sure i'm strong enough to handle this kinda situation.
Eversince that breakup,suddenly someone BUZZES me. And it looks like we've been friends through 'YM' for quite a while but didn't have the chance to get to know each other that well. He's kinda friendly and got that sense of humor but i'm not sure whether i can get involve in any relationship again.. But if he keeps on trying and won't give up,who knows it'll make me change my mind.. :)

Vie

A change of Heart..

People can change sometimes without knowing it. That's how a person felt for another person. Well,actually i'm talking about L.O.V.E.. It's kinda hard to express the way you feel towards that person when you know that person don't feel the way like you do. So,it's better to keep it that way than telling them how much you love them..I never change the way i feel for someone but in this case i have to stay back and act like i never said it..
Some people doesn't realize it maybe because they never experienced it yet. Somehow it's not wrong to hope that you'll be Loved someday..Take time to realized that someone in your life might be worth to be with you for one day you wake up regret that it's too late to turn back the time.Just think about it..

:)

A Brand New Year!

It's kinda long time i didn't write on this blog..I'm so so super busy..Busy with my family,busy celebrating Christmas and New Year..Anyway,talking about last christmas,i celebrate it with a bunch of my families from around Sabah and not forgetting from Brisbane.It was totally havoc with all my nieces and nephews are around..Gosh!i nearly fainted..LOL!
My New Year was awesome..although we just celebrate it at home but i celebrate it with awesomest people in my life..my family and my closest friends.. :) there goes the BBQ,drinks,Foods and not forgetting Gambling (as ussual). My New Year's resolution for this year of 2012 is of course my career,family,Life and my Love life.. hoping for a good start this year.. :)