~ the FEAR of FEELING~

she can.
she can't.
not here.
nor there.
voice uncommitted.
mind is blocked.
doesn't know what to expect.
pretty anxious.
but there's faith.
spinning aimless.
then she's found.
breathing.
excited.
nervous.
drained and filled again.
she hides you inside.
pumps her blood alive.
prepared.
but scared.
laughing.
battling.
plunging.
in love.
in search.
for something

to stop her

from

fearing

FEELING...

p/s : I am telling the truth,it's not only a words..hmm..I can lie,I can deny about anything but i never lie and deny about my feelings.. If i do,i don't meant it..I only need time in telling everything.. 

:)

KAY-HELL!

  Good Morning! I supposed to be post this lastnight but i was kinda tired and went to bed a bit early.. As you can see my title today,YES! i'm in KAY-HELL(KL) right now. Not on a Vacay but just for a business trip.
  So,here i am in a 'City that never Sleeps'. It feels good to be back here again and feel the warm breeze of KAY-HELL.. I just arrived here yesterday morning and headed straight to the hotel where i am checking-in right now. I'll be here just for a few days then will be back to KK for the 'Kaamatan' celebration.. :)
  Just woke up and having my breakfast here in my hotel room. Then will be getting ready to do my work.. Here's a sneak of peek..

OMG! Look how messy i am.. :p

~ Eyes Wide Open ~

My computer clock says Tues 2:35 AM. It's not as though I've been able to think straight this past week, due to my inability to cope well with lack of sleep. My eyes are drooping, and falling flat on my face from some mild form of fatigue would be the most logical thing to do. But, at this point, too much of my mental energy is also going into trying hard to adjust to a newfound state of busy-ness that is not anymore limited to 'productive summer breaks' (I used to spend my so-called Va-Cay, working). So many of my dreams are coming true (working with certain orgs and on certain projects) and I can't wait to take on each and every one of them.
 I thank God for work opportunities and the patience to take on each task and job I get. I crave being busy, having meetings to go to, paperworks to get done, places to visit and attending events. I love and want to do this kind of thing.
 Can I just say something, though... I have to get used to not being able to find the many quiet times I used to so enjoy, the free time I could use to do things like finish reading not one HALF of a book, but SEVERAL books.Of course, I go on my blog and find that I can be somewhat alone there for a moment, so here I am, venting to you at almost 3 in the morning. =p I'm not sure whether to flinch or savour it as the thought of the real world (or REEL world?) pierces my skin. All I know is you're "only as good as your last job" so you keep working hard for every day. I still can't sleep. I've been venting for an hour now, typing, deleting, typing deleting, typing. I realize that, maybe, I am just looking forward to the things I know I will be accomplishing this year (think positive!). With an average of 5 hours nightly, voluntarily or involuntarily, how do some people still make the most of each 'marathon' day? How do you start a new day when you haven't even ended the previous one yet? Gotta learn, gotta learn...
 Tick tock. I have to be up by 7 AM. Cheers!

spontaneous combustion..

In a brief conversation, a man, speaking to a woman, was out to pursue the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asked, "Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said, "Yes" as she began to expound...


"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.

I pay my own bills.

I take care of my household without the help of any man- or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'"


The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money... I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,


"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Mentally. I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection Financially because I don't need a financial... burden.

I am looking for someone who is Sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but Strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can Respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... He just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man. At this point, I can't help a man if he can't help himself."


When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, and exclaimed,  "You're asking for a whole lot!"

To which she gracefully replied...


"Only if you think I'm not WORTH a lot."

:)

Butterfly..

"When it comes to relationships,
maybe we're all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.
Because you can never really know...

Some people are settling down,
some people are settling,
and some people refuse to settle
for anything less
than Butterflies."


(to Specific Someone.. Now i understand to hold you i must open up my hands and watch you rise...)

:)

~ The REAL DEAL...~

Sure, I'm seeing my father again, for the first time, after 10 long years. (12 years ago)

Sure, it's a big deal.

But this is the time to say: it was my mother who raised me and put herself through hell to keep our lives running, while he wasn't around.

It is my mother who always put effort into avoiding speaking ill about him, to give me a great impression of my father, growing up.

Sure, I've had to tweak and manipulate my mind to adjust to a 'new' concept of family through the years. It's worked out just fine, but it wasn't easy.

Sure, I love my father and my ex-step-father I love him a lot, but it is my mother who is worth more than anything. It is she, and not a man, who will walk me down the aisle for my wedding march.

Sure, I'm the daughter of. Get over it, we are all daughters/sons of someones.

Sure, I have my own life to live, my own name to build, and my own burdens to worry about.

But someone's gotta begin the process of resolving unfinished business.

Life is just too damn short to be so angry all the time.

~Take time to realized~

Know the feeling

of losing something great?

Then realising that,

suddenly, u have

something u wanted all along

without really knowing


HOW u got it

WHY u have it

or even

that u BELONG?

         That's how i felt after got into the world of W.O.R.K.I.N.G.
         I am so grateful and it's so surreal..

There was a time when i attended a seminar and one of our mentor gave us a speech. At one point,he gave out a liner and said, "watch your life diligently. Know yourself,watch your life,find humour and humility through everything. Maybe it's true and make us realized what we have,what we should be thankful for and also how whatever we lost before can open doors for bigger and better blessings later on.
I also learned that God didn't live to teach us how to want more... His life was about the challenge of letting go. They say, let go of something first, go down first, and you'll earn the kind of faith that'll allow you new beginnings and the freedom to grow.

:)

~and then i Realized..~

oye hello people! how's life? sorry been outa reach for a while, i'm still on earth tho & life has taken me places literally..i've been so busy the past few days...been involve with so many activities... thinking that life is so short - started it all - i tend to rush things i tend to do two things at a time i tend to absorb as many responsibilities as I could i tend to start on something else though I'm not yet finished on the other one i tend to keep on moving - as if I'm running out of time to the point that i got so tired to the point that, though i'm not aware, i have neglected some of the very important things in my life.. then i stopped - what's there to rush about? why not enjoy every minute I have - and then i realized - life is not really short i am just starting it is still a long way to go..LIVE LIVE TO THE FULLEST!! Cheers, Vee

~Love yourself~

i hated it. i hated hearing this so much, i forgot what it meant.

thank you, buddies, for being the first one to set me back on track. thank you, family, for confirming that this was something i really needed to take seriously. surprised me to think that somehow, i managed to ignore the real meaning of loving your - SELF. too many people are allowed the power to manipulate this part of us that is the point of life, after all. how does it happen? selfish, egoistic, self-glorifying. words all too commonly designed to hit you where pushing & pulling never stops until it hurts. i've been a bitch for what i do, a bitch for what i don't do, and when i happen to be learning the ropes from in-between, well then i'm just a bitch for not knowing which direction to go, or what the hell i want to do. well, apparently, things could get worse. because life becomes a plain fuckin pain when you start looking at things from 'their' point of view. if this happens to you, you'll find that you're scared to be good at what you love most. you're scared to be good to WHOM you love the most. unless you've got some concept of hope and manage to get sense knocked into your head by some force of nature that pulls you back to what you know, then you'll probably never stop wondering why you're not the same. why crashing feels so familiar to you, why understanding melancholy is too easy to do, why the existence of Love beyond science seems harder to prove. "Love yourself" is not a command to throw away like a song you're done with after playing it in your head for so long... it's not something you change your mind about if people begin to label it as something it isn't made to be. Loving yourself is believing that it is okay to like the great and crazy things others like about you, or that you are someone who has friends who love you, even if you don't know why. noone is perfect, and noone should feel, or be, alone. it's knowing that it is okay to want to be one of the best, if not just better, at that thing you do, JUST BECAUSE. it is happier to dwell on the good things to know what to make of the bad. shoot for the moon. it is okay to jump at opportunities, because it is okay to be grateful and it is okay, if not better, to make use of what you have. there is always, ALWAYS, a reason for everything. if you have a life that makes you want to bounce all the blessings back, it is okay to know in your heart that, one day, you will give everything back. noone should ever have the power to pressure you to do, or be, something that you aren't ready - nor made - to do, or be. one thing i want to say about the entertainment industry is that, people forget that none of us have anything to do with what our faces or bodies look like, pretty or ugly, bought or born with-- this should be reason enough not to base your work, or your life, on your looks. there is a bigger picture in the world for each one of us & we are all specks of dust in the end. what you do with your life now can outlast you later on. it is also okay to smile (maybe even so randomly, you'd seem to be on E) -- it is okay to admit you just honestly like being in this twisted world, no matter how cruel, judgemental, angry, or dangerous it can be. it took me 3 years of gradually losing that strength. a year and a half to slowly gain it back, and 5 months to finally feel it creeping back into me. so you think you love yourself. but still somewhat believe that all the countless times you fucked up serve as an estimate of who you are in all your years of being... if you think you do love yourself, but fail to ignore the things that you know exist to try and screw you over... then please, love yourself a little bit more. Messing up is NOT equivalent to BEING all messed up. you have every right and reason to LOVE, EVEN if you don't know why. Loving that one person, loving anyone, and especially loving yourself, is not anything that LOVE is NOT. and you know what? if you find Love, there's your God. xoxo, Vee..